Marketing and Advertising
"By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself.
<whispers> "Kill yourself."
"Aaahh, no really, there's no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan's little helpers, Okay? - Kill Yourself - seriously."
"You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously."
"There's no fucking joke coming!. You are Satan's spawn filling the world with bile and garbage.
"I know all the marketing people are going,"
"I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too,
"Oh man! I am NOT doing that. You fucking EVIL scumbags!"
"Ooh, you know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We've done research - huge market. He's doing a good thing."
"GODAMMIT! I'M NOT DOING THAT, YOU SCUM-BAGS!
Oooooh! the anger dollar. HUGE! Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill's very bright to do that.
God, I'm just caught in a fucking web!
Ooh! the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market - look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar...
How do you live like that?
But that's the problem with this country, one of the many, but this whole issue of sexuality and pornography, which I don't understand what pornography is, I really don't. To me, pornography is, you know, spending all your money and not educating the people in America, and spending it instead on weapons, that's pornographic to me, that's totally filthy, and etc., etc., down the line, you all in your fucking hearts know the goddamned arguments, okay, great. But no one knows what pornography is. Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thought, that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thought. Hmm. Sounds like... every commercial on television, doesn't it? You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial-I'm not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, maybe that's the connection they're trying to make. What? You've all seen that Busch beer commercial, where the girl in the short hot-pants opens the beer bottle on her belt buckle, leaves it there, and it foams over her hand and over the bottle and the voice over goes, "Get yourself a BUSCH." Hmm. You know what that looks like, nah, no way. I'll tell you the commercial they'd like to do, if they could, and I guarantee you, if they could, they'd do this, right here. Here's the woman's face, beautiful. Camera pulls back, naked breast. Camera pulls back, she's totally naked. Legs apart. Two fingers, right here, and it just says, "Drink Coke." Now I don't know the connection here, but goddamn if Coke isn't on my shopping list that week. "Dr. Pepper." "Snickers, satisfying." (Mouth-guitars "I Can't Get No Satisfaction") Damned if I'm not buying these products! My teeth are rotting out of my head, I'm glued to the television, I'm as big as a fucking couch. "More Snickers, more Coke!" That's what I find ironic, too, is that people who are against these things that cause sexual thought are generally fundamentalist Christians, who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply. Boy, they walk a tight rope every day, don't they? "How do we be fruitful and multiply and not think about it?" "We could sing hymns during it." (sings) "One stroke at a time, sweet Jesus. One stroke at a time, sweet Lord." I did that joke in Alabama, in Fife, and these three rednecks met me after the show. "Hey, buddy! C'mere! Mr. Funny-man, c'mere! Hey, buddy, we're Christians, and we don't like what you said." "So then forgive me." Later, when I was hanging from the tree. Here is my final point, oh thank you God. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography, whatever that is. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, or take into my body as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet? And for those of you out there who're having a little moral dilemma in your head about how to answer that question, I'll answer it for you - none of your fucking business. Take that to the bank, cash it, and go fucking on a vacation out of my life.