"But of greatre straingeness even thane thees be the creatuer knowne as the Elppin. Thees be seldome seene for they do remaine hiden from humain eyes mosttimes. But as I diserned from reaports most reliabel, they be smallish creatuers of mischeif with a haed almoste humain, but no boddy poosessing for to speake, nor any handes nor armes nor feete nor leges upon thier perssons. It be sed that alwavs do they ware the Elppin hatt, so that scholares some thear be who beleve their hats in sooth to be parte of their haeds. They shew themselvs of a minde liken to that of the appes or the monkees, and do uppon the folke thear play smal jakes and triks, most espesially thoose that do caus embareassment and the losse of personalle modeste. Moste raerly be theye seene of one, but appare in pares or in groupes of evven numbre. It be for thes reasson that theye be caled the Elppin most oftentimes, and naut the Elppins."
Chao tse-Tung in the treatise A Fnordian Bestiary
As translated into "modren Anglish" in the 14th century CE
by Sir Jacques of the Unhealing Wound