User:LaGGeR



hmm..okay, my life is a bit boring.. i am 16 years old.. living in nordhorn, north of germany and next to the netherlands..well.. nordhorn is very small and there's nothing to do here..

hobbies: i love playing handball, and that's the only good thing my hometown is good for cause it has three different teams in my age (only 50 000 people are living here so thats pretty much)..ah, and my club is the best because we have a team playing first devision :> .. WE suck, next weekend is the last match and we have won only 2 matches now and one end in a draw, so we have 5 points..but.. we're playing weser-ems league and that's the best in my age..).. i am playing since '95 so i started when i was 7.

well, and i just started rowing, i think it's funny so i won't stop :) hmm, that's all i think. of course i'm going out with friends sometimes, but i hate the disco which is in lingen and that's the only thing they want to do ._. bah..

favourite things:
food: pizza and chinese instant noodles :)

drinks: kölsch, becks and kicos.. oh, and i love "bionade" (bio lemonade) but unfortunately the school doesn't sell it anymore, only coke and this crap :/

music: punk, for example slime, schleimkeim, toxoplasma, ramones, but i also like Seeed and Ton Steine Scherben and stuff like that.

movie: donnie darko, 23, requiem for a dream (and i can't wait to buy pi)

computer game: i don't play computer too often, atm im playing nfsu2 (im not sure whether most wanted would work or not, my graphic card sucks..)

book: i'm still not reading much, the last one i read is requiem for a dream, very good book although it's pretty hard to read in english ..

color: black

kind of cigarettes: i'm poor. really poor. spending all my money for other stuff to smoke, that means i usually smoke faked cigarettes from poland or something. taste ugly, really ugly.

SOME ARTWORK!

SOME WRITTEN WORK! Vom Kiffen Es ist böse, sagen die einen. Es macht Spaß, sagen die anderen. Und dann gibt es die Leute, die es aus ganz anderen Gründen machen. Zu denen gehöre ich auch, denn es ist nicht einfach nur der Genuß, völlig entspannt mit ein paar Leuten in einer netten Runde zu liegen, nein, für mich ist es viel mehr. Im Rausch wandere ich durch ganz andere Welten, schönere Welten. Welten, in der es nichts Negatives gibt. Welten, in der ich ich sein kann. Ich konsumiere es am liebsten in der einen Art Gesellschaft, die ich Freunde nenne. Aber ich habe es auch schon mit „Fremden“ getan, man raucht was man kriegt. Besonders ohne eigene Quellen. Es gibt auch diese Gruppe, bei denen ich ungern kiffe. Und trotzdem tue ich’s, um frei zu sein. Um das Gefühl zu bekommen, das mich an meine Freunde erinnert. Und um wieder in diese Welt zu tauchen, diese weit entfernte und doch so nahe Welt. Utopie! Aber eben diese Gruppe schafft es, dass ich mich dabei schlecht fühle. Weil ich sie nicht kenne, weil ich ihnen nicht vertrauen kann. Da sind sie wieder, diese bunten Farben! Ich kann mir aussuchen, in welche Richtung sich die Dreiecke bewegen. Oder Vierecke, heute mag ich lieber Vierecke. Das ist überhaupt kein Problem. Aber die Sonne, die ist unbarmherzig, sie blendet die ganze Zeit. Alles ist grell, aber doch nicht unfreundlich. Es kommt auf die Leute an. Ich mag es nicht, wenn man mich dumm anmacht. Und ich mag es erst recht nicht, wenn sie einen als krank bezeichnen, nur weil man einen völlig anderen Rausch erlebt. Einen besseren? Bestimmt. Ich verbinde das Kiffen mit den paar Leuten, die mir wirklich sehr am Herzen liegen. Vermutlich bin ich auch offener dafür, denn ich will in diese anderen Welten. Ich will zum Baum werden, ich will dieses Kribbeln im gesamten Körper spüren. Ich will eins werden mit dem, was um mich herum ist. Und ich möchte die Kontrolle verlieren, die Kontrolle über meine Gedanken. Einfach fallen lassen. Und plötzlich liegt man auf der Straße, unfähig aufzustehen. Das macht nichts, der Boden ist weich. In den bunten Farben fühle ich mich wohl. Und ich denke an Sachen, an die ich sonst nie denken würde. Wieso ist da dieser Hund im Baum? Oder diese Nonne? Ich mag keine Nonnen, deswegen beunruhigt mich das. Sie machen meine positiven Gedanken kaputt. Genau so wie dumme Sprüche. Manchmal fühle ich mich dabei auch schlecht, richtig schlecht. Ich habe Angst, Angst davor, krank zu werden. Da ist diese Stimme in meinem Kopf, die mir sagt, dass ich bereits krank bin. Denn ich bin total komisch, wirklich. Vielleicht auch ein bisschen depressiv. Jetzt gerade, während ich dies schreibe, bin ich nicht stoned. Auch wenn ich mich so fühle und der Text eine solche Vermutung möglich machen könnte. Alle verurteilen es, ohne es ausprobiert zu haben. Warum? Keiner zwingt sie, es auch zu nehmen. Und es hätte keinerlei negativen Auswirkungen auf die Gesellschaft, wäre es legal. Ich denke oft an Leute aus meiner Vergangenheit, sie stehen direkt vor mir und doch kann ich sie nicht erreichen. Das macht mich auch traurig. So viele Leute kamen und gingen, und immer war es meine Schuld. Leute, zu denen ich gerne noch Kontakt hätte. Aber ich bin ja komisch, das sagen alle. Öfters habe ich das Gefühl, dass mein Geist meinen Körper verlässt, um auf die Reise zu gehen. Mein Körper bleibt einfach liegen, und ich bewege mich ein paar Meter frei, frei von allem. Es ist wie ein Traum, man hat die Macht und doch wieder nicht. Genau so schnell, wie es gekommen ist, ist es auch schon wieder weg. Ich bin nicht weg, denn ich will sitzen bleiben, so lange, bis der Rausch vorbei ist. Die einen würden sagen, dass ich ein hoffnungsloser Fall bin, ein nicht gesellschaftsfähiger Mensch, der nur Schaden anrichtet. Aber nicht, wenn ich stoned bin. Dann sitz ich einfach nur da und genieße dieses Gefühl. Man denkt nicht an Probleme, und falls doch, erscheinen sie lustig. Oder man hat sofort die Antwort, denn man wird ziemlich kreativ. Ich will auch mal LSD nehmen. Um endlich in dieser anderen Welt anzukommen. Vielleicht auch für immer? Viele Leute bringen sich unfreiwillig um, wenn sie nen Trip haben. Davor habe ich keine Angst, es wär mir egal. Ich möchte sterben, wenn ich gerade auf dem Höhepunkt eines Rausches bin. Ich will, dass mein Gehirn leer ist und mich die ganzen Gedanken in Ruhe lassen, die mich sonst beunruhigen. Einfach nur ich sein, ohne Kompromisse. Und das in Gesellschaft einiger Leute, die ich sehr schätze. Ich fühle mich wohl bei ihnen, und ich vermisse sie. Sie verstehen mich, sie tuns ja auch. Jeder macht es. Wenn ich high bin, lache ich. Viel mehr als sonst. Aber bei jeder Person, die einem begegnet, hat man das Gefühl, dass sie’s wissen. Der Mann da vorne, weiß er’s? Oder der Punk, er scheint so zu grinsen. Sowieso lächeln einen alle an, sowas nimmt man wahr. Der Kontrast wird stärker, die Farben verschwinden. Sie sind ja auch nur da, wenn ich die Augen schließe. Oder wenn es dunkel ist. Die Sonne, sie blendet. Aber sie ist warm, es gibt nichts besseres, als bei schönem Wetter zu kiffen. Jeder sollte es tun. Denn dann wäre niemand mehr aggressiv, und es würde keine Kriege mehr geben. Es ist mir egal, wenn es böse ist. Es ist nicht nur Spaß, es ist der erste Schritt zur Erleuchtung. Aber nicht im religiösen Sinn. (Amen)

6 Monate später Seit einem halben Jahr kiffe ich regelmäßig, mindestens einmal die Woche, meistens aber sogar fast jeden Tag. Und ich muss sagen, dass ich im Moment komisch drauf bin, mag vielleicht auch daran liegen, dass ich jetzt gerade schon wieder pleite bin, obwohl der Monat gerade erst angefangen hat. Einerseits will ich nicht aufhören, aber ich weiß, dass es besser ist. Besonders, weil ich ja jetzt auch bald meinen Führerschein haben werde (hoffe ich jedenfalls) und mir das Risiko zu groß ist, dass ich mir da was versaue. Wird so schließlich schon teuer genug. Trotzdem habe ich langsam Angst vor mir und ich ertappe mich immer wieder dabei, dass ich selbst in ungünstigen Situationen rauche, sodass es jeder mitbekommen muss. Mittlerweile ist mir das alles unangenehm und ich würde mich wohler fühlen, wenns nur Leute wüssten, die selbst auch rauchen. Die Angst verpfiffen zu werden ist nämlich gar nicht mal so gering, meine Eltern würden mich töten. Eigentlich schon ein Wunder, dass sie bisher nichts gecheckt haben, schließlich hab ich da diese Bong und der Tabak wird auch immer leerer, obwohl ich ja eigentlich nur Zigaretten rauche und auch nie irgendwelche selbstgedrehten Kippen im Aschenbecher auftauchen. Eine andere Begebenheit hat mir irgendwie auch ein wenig Angst gemacht, denn es wissen wirklich mehr als ich dachte. Eine aus der Damen 1 hat mal gefragt, "ob ich süchtig danach wäre", und irgendwie wusste ich nicht wirklich, was ich sagen sollte. Wir hatten leider nicht wirklich Zeit, sonst hätte ich die ein oder anderen Punkte ja noch näher erläutern können, aber da kamen dann andere dazu und deswegen fand ich das ungünstig. Ich weiss grad nicht was ich noch schreiben soll, ich werd das hier später "vollenden" ;).

Online Diary
reason: well, i want you to know WHO i am and i'm bored at the moment. also i am able to improve my english.. ok, i hope so ^^ .. my life isnt that exciting.. but maybe someone's interested :) new: the newest stuff is on the top now! ;)

One day before birthday: oh well! im feeling great atm, although its raining.. had a good day, you know? :) hehehehe, tomorrow were going to visit poland!!! rocks!!! :D but i miss you all, guys from cologne.. :( hugs..

lagger

Tues., 26th of July: atm i feel great, poland is coming nearer. tomorrow we're going to camp in drievorden, fortunately i bought some new stuff, hehe. too bad that neither yannick nor jay are going to come, we always wanted to built up a kind of inhalation tent. hmm... well.. im tired.. and i dunno what to write.. nice day today, even some sun...

Thursday, 21st of July: Yesterday Yannick and me planned to go to Hannover, but sitting in a train the whole day sucks so we left the train when it arrived in Osnabrück. We bought a cheap bong, went to a small forest and.. yeah.. the place was not that good, but although it was without a roof it was quite dry there.. unfortunately there were strange things on the ground, vitamin c, NaCL ^^, well.. and stuff which belongs to some who's addicted to heroin or something like that. we were too lazy to leave, but after an hour we got up to make a break 23m of that "forest", harr harr. well, and when i arrived at home my room looked wonderful ^^.. i like the new look..

Mon, 18th of July, 1:34 am: MY PARENTS ALLOWED ME TO COME TO COLOGNE!!!! CAN'T WAIT! :D

Sun., 17th of July: yesterday kicked ass! phrack and mescalito visited me and i had a lot of fun :) can't wait to see 'em again!! holidays are boring, don't have anything to do. friday we watched "be cool" at the cheap cinema (the one you're allowed to smoke in :)). nothing interesting is going on, so.. see you ;)

Mon., 11th of July: sportsday today, played beachvolleyball. my team was okay but it was very hard as we had a kind of "good bye party" yesterday. that means i still felt very dizzy today ^^.. just found out that there's a demonstration in nordhorn against war and so on, think i'm gonna follow them. 16th of august, from the "zob" (bus station) to klausheide, cause its a training place for dropping bombs ._. (sometimes it SUCKS cause it's LOUD!! especially during the holidays, narf!) and struck is going to visit it. how i got in touch with it? zsk mentioned it :) i like that band.. im so fucking tired and there are so many things i have to do. pack my things for camping tomorrow, especially the beer ;)... i think i won't take a tent with me, the weather seems to be fine next days and i love sleeping under the sky :) ok! im off ;) i hope i'll get in contact with this christian i have met on abifestival.. we'll see.. oh! one more thing: I HAVE A GODDAMN 3 IN LATIN!!! that means that i have my "little latinum", STRIKE! i dont have to repeat the year, dont have any "5"s on the school report, yeeeah!!

Wed., 29th of June: i don't have so much time today. all i wanted to say is that i have a 4+ in maths and that's pretty good (i think i don't have to repeat this school year :)) .. i have headache! ;( so! see you!

Tues., 28th of June: we didn't get our maths tests back. IT SUCKS!! we're going to write it on friday. well. but i think the correction by the second teacher will take another week, so we aren't going to write that anymore. ^^ i have two good news: my beachvolleyball team will rule the other teams at sports day, hahaha.. the racoons are the best, even better than the "streberschlümpfe" hihi. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another part has been published on the impact records page, what means that i have good chances to win the first place hrhrhr :D http://www.impact-records.de/de/index.php?menue=Zur_Geschichte&menue02=/WETTBEWERB

muahahahahaha ^^ and i won't stop writing :P

Mon., 27th of June: wow, i'm fucking tired and there's a lot i could tell. my weekend rocked!! so i'm going to start with the friday - it was hard to ride a bike with a veeeeeeeery big bag on your back, but it worked. we arrived in drievorden around 11 am fighting with mosquitos and this crap. jay also arrived with the wonderful becks =) and we started riding to the "quendorfer see" (=lake). of course nearly no one was there because everyone had school, haha :P. later that day we grilled and drank beer and i had some cool conversations with luke and jay. we slept outside, because i was too lazy to put up the tent. well, and right after we had put our things together it started to rain. jay's grandmother drove us to their home and we worked for chemical stuff i dont know how to call it. about alcohol =). we ate pizza, took a shower (i can't shower at home atm.. but its funny, our new bathroom is going to be 50 cm bigger than usually. and they found an old porno magazine in the wall from 1971 ^^) and played ps2. in the evening jay's father drove us to yannick's birthday party (he celebrated with two other guys, curd and matze). good music all the time =). but i don't remember everything any more.. well.. we drank and drank and drank (it was in emsbüren - and it's known for drinking very much.. the city has also been in the guinness book of records for drinking this much ^^) and we went into a forest smoking strange stuff. i dont know what it is, but i bet it worked because i didnt drink that much but i was veeeeeeery drunk in the end. i don't remember how jay has gone and .. well.. i didnt have to puke hihi :) and i didnt feel bad the next day. this day i rode around 40km by bike, i'm so good ^^. drove from drievorden to lingen (we visited the gas power station or however its called in english..it was a bit boring, but we got a free coke ^^) and then from lingen back to nordhorn. :) so i rode around 80km this weekend hehe. i'm very tired, more than ever. i dont know why, ok, i havent slept that much..hmm.. huh! we're going to get our math tests back tomorrow!! *excited* at the party i talked to a christoff or something like this very much. he was cool, the whole party rocked! i met jonas, someone who used to be in my class. and of course we just HAD to pogo ^^ very funny.. and "vorstadtrebell" from ack was like a kind of hymn, everyone was able to sing it and it sounds really cool ^^.. master is also very funny, he is able to sing EVERYTHING ^^. well! that's all.. no homeworks, tired, so i think i'm going to bed soon. in 9 days i'm back in cologne... can't wait!!! :D

Mon., 20th of June: hiho! yes - i'm still alive! although i'm very stressed at the moment... well, weekend was okay. had a great conversation with lukas via msn / moonedit on friday, visited him next day - to go ice-cream-eating :) .. i love the weather! my cousin and the son of my uncle's girlfriend slept here and i gave my 12 year old cousin my old and too small nofx shirt hehe. he said he liked the songs i have shown him ;) .. on sunday we visited my grandmother who had birthday a week ago. well, and today i planned my weekend: i won't be at home! we're going to have a day at the quendorfer see playing beachvolleyball, swimming in the lake and so on. hehe, and we're going to ride by bike to anne. that will be my friday - we don't have school yeeehaa.. i hope i can stay at annes house till six, because yannick has to work and i'm going to visit him. he has birthday today and he's celebrating on saturday - jay and me are the only persons from my class who are invited :D .. that means drinking, drinking, drinking, pogo, drinking ^^. i hope i'll sleep at yannicks house that night. on the next day i'm driving to anne again because we want to ride to "school" on monday - we don't have school - we are going to visit the gas.. hmm, how is it called? gaskraftwerk.. narf.. i'm too tired ^^.. finally i'm going to be at home on monday. being away at the weekend means that i'm maybe able to take a shower somewhere, because our bathroom is destroyed atm. and my sister's here that weekend, so she can sleep in my room while i'm gone. perfect, hmm? hehe, there's another kewl thing which happend today: i bought my latin grammar and my book for chemical stuff i need next school year on ebay - for 1 eur each!! :) ok, im off. tired. veeeeeeeeery tired. and this week i'm going to earn very much money - round 30 eur! oh! and yannick made the suggestion that we could go to the force attack festival at the end of july or something like that, i'm not sure atm. also my parents are maybe going to permit the visit of the polish festival. that would be so cool! i wouldn't be at home on my birthday, and well we want to stay a day in berlin either. :D ..i think our festival summer could be VERY expensive ..  but my parents should buy me the force attack ticket, that would be a cool present. and the old army jacket from my father, but my mom thinks it's "too old" - wtf?! there are people who can't buy warm clothes but i'm not allowed to wear that nice jacket?! that sucks!

ok! night! ;)

Thurs., 16th of June 2005: hmm, my grandmother has birthday today. maybe i will phone her, don't know yet. i have written an english test today, it was a strange test. i didnt have the feeling that i was tested. and my last sentence was "and thanks for all the fish" lol. im sure that my teacher knows the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. everyone does! we also had an information today: we are allowed to make groups of 3 - 5 pupils you want to get in the same class with. it's hard, i dont know what to do about it. on the one hand i want to be in the same class as yannick and jay, but that means that i'm maybe not in the same class as lukas, because he wants arno in his group. when we choose arno and lukas to join our group, franci is left. so? what can i do?? i guess it will end like this: i will lose a friend. sounds dumb, but i know it will be like that. had that already. :( why aren't we allowed to stay together with the class we have at the moment?? i hate most of the other 10th graders. especially those bastards from lohne, they are arrogant and rich and they.. well.. i cant describe it, i just hate them. they are dumb, either! just because lukas has hit a 6th grader and is wearing chucks he's in their oppinion a "punk". hmm! he's not - maybe a little bit, but he is more a kind of metalhead or however it is called. we started to play "school wars" in maths because i finished the tasks. it's a scenario for risus - written by franci. looks very cool, i can't describe it in english. in music we watched nearly all the movies we have made. the last one rocked, franci played the witch in our "hänsel and gretel advert" and we have some bonus material: franci is rubbing is stomach, grins, then a kind of matrix effect, wuuuuuuuuuush, and finally a "mmmh, delicious!". hehe. well.. i dont know what to write. didnt go to the doctor, no time. i love being busy, cause that means that i dont have to stay at home as long as i used to! :) good bye, see you tomorrow or saturday or whenever. nothing interesting is happening, season should start soon again. then i could write about all the matches we had won - haha! but we have better chances than last year. cu

oh! and now something very special..

Soundtrack of my life!
 * Deep Purple - Child in Time: listened to that song all the time when i ran away. i love it and i nearly have to cry everytime im listening to it ._.
 * Tears for Fears - Head over heels: that's the song i listened to when we arrived in cologne.. on the one hand it makes me sad because most of the time i'm not in cologne. but on the other hand it makes me happy because it reminds me of the great time i spend their (thanks to mutante and phrack! :))
 * Lagwagon - May 16th: that's the first kind of alternative music i loved. i know it from tony hawks pro skater 2, song 11 or something. thanks to that, because i think without it i wouldn't have got in touch with punk.
 * Schleimkeim - Abfallprodukte der Gesellschaft: remember the drinking day at the vechtesee? we sang that song so often!!
 * In Flames - Dawn of a new day: i used to listen to it when i was reaaaaaaaaally sad - i dont know why, but i remember that i've been sitting in my room for hours listening to in flames. made me feel angry and aggressive.
 * A.C.K. - Vorstadtrebell: yannicks birthday party - everyone was singing with it, and it sounds pretty cool if sung by around 40 people! that was the first party with much beer and good music!

thats all for now, but i think it will be continued some day..

Wed., 15th of June 2005: hmm, nothing interesting happend. we wrote a test in physics today - uuuargh!! i was too lazy to learn - and i'm too untidy.. i dont have any sheet of paper we got!! i'm having a bet with yannick, kathrin and maren now. yannick will give us a chupa chups when he's better than 2, kathrin also, and maren gives us that crap when she's worser than 2. well and if i have a 2 or better i will give the lollies to them. hehe. i bet no one's going to get one ^^. yesterday i had training and although my left foot is still hurting like hell i went to the gym. that was a veeeeery big mistake! at first we had to run through a small forest next to the gym. my foot hurt so much that i decided to stop running :|. then i realized that there were a mosquito (is it called like that? those small bloodsuckers - i hate them!!) on my left arm. my head moved slowly to the right arm - and there was one of those bastards too!!! today i found out that around 7 of those... narf... have bitten me :(. for example on my back AND I CANT REACH IT!!! ._. i earned 16,50 eur today. 10 eur are going straight into my "köln kasse" hehe. unfortunately i am not a good money safer. i already had 50 eur in it - now there is.. nothing.. well i get 10 eur from daniel and i have 25 eur on my bank account or however its called. im tired and im not going to learn for english - its the only subject im really good at. pe is also okay - hehe, i had a 1 in basketball *proud* (and i was the only girl in my class with a 1!!). oh! and i forgot to mention that i have a fucking 1-2 in a latin vocabulary test! ME!!! that kicks ass! i think i dont have to repeat the school year. yeah yeah yeah :) that means i am able to move to cologne when im 19. 2 years and ~6 weeks left. im going to survive that. i mean i have lived here for 16 fucking years now. can't wait!! im surprised that my german teacher knows "23" and the illuminati. we're reading a book now ("was nützt die liebe in gedanken" bzw "der selbstmörder club") and august diehl is playing one of the main character. :) i think im going to like that book. hmm. i dont know whether i have homeworks or not? hmm.. who cares... my left foot really hurts, but i'm too busy to have an appointment. its always the same.. i have to go to 3 different doctors. and the last one is a "sport doctor" or however its called - and he will say that im not allowed to play for a loooooooooong time. when my finger was splitted (hmm dunno whether this is right or not..) i was waiting for those doctors THE WHOLE AFTERNOON! and my mother wanted me to go to the training, believing that im faking. well - the finger was swollen and green and blue, but of course im also able to fake that. she didnt want to bring me to the doctor but finally she felt very sorry when i mentioned that it would have been broken when i had gone to the training. wish i had gone. it would have been only her fault. hmm. what did i want to say? ah right! im maybe going to the doctor tomorrow. depends on how it does feel in the morning. *yawn* im smoking! i wish you a very good night, i think i'm going to read the book.. i wanted to watch that movie BUT THE CINEMA ONLY SHOWED IT ON A MONDAY EVENING! of course no one wanted to come with me.. :( maybe we're going to watch it at school now. see you!

p.s.: im so angry. my WONDERFUL picture i drew in art is only a 2. im really angry, i hate my teacher. she wanted me to do thousand things to make it look even better and i did because i wanted to get a 1. i preferred the first version of it. grrr. who the hell is able to give grades to ART??

Sun., 12th of June, 2005: hey ho, i have finished my poem. it's not that good as i'm not able to speak kölsch correctly, so.. well.. no matter, i'll publish it here ^^. like yesterday i don't have so much time, cause i have to learn for a test we're going to write wednesday, but i have no time during the week! well, here it goes :) Refrain: Oh Kölle, grönste Großstadt, do künne mer wat erlewe. Un wie lang duurt dat, bes ich bei dir lewe? Oh Kölle, ming Kölle, dat is jot ävver ming Visite war vill zu koot!

Spät in der Nacht, da kamen wir an, nicht mal das Licht des Doms war noch an. Vorbei am Barbarossaplatz, zu überwältigt für jeden Satz. Wann werde ich dich wiedersehen, wann?
 * 1

Noch nie hab ich mich so wohl gefühlt, immer noch sind meine Gedanken zerwühlt. Muss immer an diesen einen Tag denken, warum nur müssen alle Dinge auf dich lenken?
 * 2



Viel Zeit verbrachten wir im Volksgarten, auch die Sonne ließ nicht auf sich warten, ich kann die Rückkehr kaum erwarten.
 * 3

Alles war egal, alles ist egal. Einiges wohl auch ein bisschen illegal. Legal, illegal, alles scheissegal.
 * 4



Ich fühlte mich so frei, als ob mein Verhalten unwichtig sei. Endlich mal kein Außenseiter, alles lustig, alles heiter. Wann werde ich zurückkehren, wann?
 * 5

Wann werde ich wieder bei euch sein? Möchte euch sehen, genau wie den Rhein. Doch wann, wann kann ich zurückgehen? Wann werde ich dich wiedersehen? Es ist alles eine Frage der Zeit, aber eins ist klar, ich bin allzeit bereit. Kölle, Kölle, bald ist es soweit. (endlich wieder breit) < hehe, das gehört zur inoffiziellen version ^^ 

when there's a mistake please correct it :) thanks!! (like said before, i dont speak kölsch. too bad :

Sat., 11th of June, 2005: ok, i'm over it. today i watched the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy - veeeeeeeery good film and you HAVE to see it! well im tired now. nothing else happend and im going to read a bit. good night and thanks for all the fish >:)

Fri., 10th of June 2005: i'm really angry now. yesterday i said that i want it today in the morning. but he didnt take it along today. and now he has written a sms .. his mother seems to have found it. goddamn, i hate my life. everything goes wrong and i do have the feeling that i should jump off a high building today instead of going to training. i hate everything and im so fucking angry, if he had just taken it with him this morning.. i want to die. its always the same i really want a thing, nearly have it, but then everythings destroyed. i dont want that crap anymore. nothing will change. i wont be able to move to cologne, i will never find friends like you, i wont get a job. everything's senseless or hopeless. who needs life? we had to write a poem in german today. i wrote about cologne, but i think i will change it. i want to write about my death and leave that as the "final note". thanks for all, but i cant stand it anymore.

... bisher hat mir der mut gefehlt den ersten schritt zu tun meinen weg, meinen meinen weg meinen weg zu gehn. ich konnt mich immer auf euch verlassen doch ich blieb stehn es tut mir leid ich musste raus machts gut auf wiedersehn auf wiedersehn [schleimkeim]

Thurs., 9th of June 2005: sorry i didn't write anything more yesterday, but i realized that i had lots of things to do (preparing for the english help i'm giving on thursdays and homeworks and so on..). well, it was cool today, cause i'm going to get the pot tomorrow. can't wait!! i hate my school for saying it 2 days before the journey is that THEY OFFER A DAY TRIP TO AMSTERDAM!! i'm really angry now, cause there are only 50 places in the bus. btw i wonder why there are signs with 'amsterdam - xxx' everywhere, what the hell does that mean? that day would have been so great, but i don't have so much money atm and i want to save it for cologne. well, it would be very cheap, only 6 euro, but.. of course i'd like to buy things and this stuff. so i made some new plans for my weekend today as the others don't have time for cthulhu on saturday. i'm going to watch the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy - after having smoked some, hehe :). with jay. they want to play cthulhu on sunday now, but i want to learn for science (i don't understand that crap, thank god there's the internet :)) .. school was boring again, but i have the feeling that i missed some lessons cause i don't remember what we have done in maths or latin. ah right, latin.. i got my vocabulary test back (she: 'i have looked through every test.. except britta's..' narf!) - 4+. yeah :) thats pretty good ^^.. yesterday i was tested at school, 2 pupils have to go to the blackboard and she wants to know 5 vocs.. i had a 4-5, even that's okay (well, only 3.5 mistakes.. from five .. hehe..).. so i felt secure and didnt learn this morning. but she wanted to test me AGAIN! fortunately i was able to persuade her, so arno had to 'bleed' ;). i can't wait for tomorrow, hope it all works. daniel said he left it at school - strange place for storing pot, isnt it?! i dont care as long as i receive it. have a new game on my calculator since monday. it's funny but strange either. my sister's at home again and i think this weekend would be like hell if i stay at home. she's very childish sometimes..hmm.. i'm tired and i dont know what to write. join me in playing starshipranger! ^^ .. hmm, i'm listening to 'kopfschuss' from wizo atm. too bad they stopped. if i was rich i would go to the force attack, but.. as said before, i want to save it. i'm going to buy a new bag from the cologne shop - the same one ph owns :). all my bags suck, cause all of them are broken. narf!! tired.. think i'm gonna smoke one.. no one's at home atm .. so.. see you tomorrow :) .. hmm, when i have enough time. latin help or however it is called, handball training and we're going to eat chinese. mjam :D. so..bye!!

Wed., 8th of June 2005: 28 days left, then i'm going to visit cologne again!! can't wait! writing an online diary is very helpful, cause now i know which date we have. unfortunately my father has used HIS computer and i'm too lazy to connect my computer again (well it takes hours because there's no space for me.. that means my hands are somewhere under my desk/behind my computer but i'm not ably to see anything...narf, i want to 'move' to my room again!!). today NOTHING happend, in chemical stuff we talked about environmentally friendly houses instead of something chemical. we had to copy 2 sentences - and this took the last 10 mins of the lesson! i really like this teacher because he's always making mistakes (which are very funny and sometimes even dangerous, hehe) but I DON'T LEARN ANYTHING!! you can imagine how terrible it must be when I'M saying that we don't learn enough. after school i went to the "dark side" (well, i'm only saying that to be able to persuade jay to follow me..) - a place every teacher can see, but it doesn't belong to school anymore. that means: i'm smoking and usually earning angry looks, but i don't care. today my science teacher stood there and when i returned he asked weird stuff. he wasn't born in germany, so he does some funny mistakes. i can't explain it in english, narf. well.. i'll try it. of course i grinned, because no one can do anything against it. then he asked whether i had smoked a cigarette or a joint (well it's not funny in english.. at first i thought it was a mistake when he said "did you smoke 'einen'"... but after a while i noticed that he meant what he had said..he wasn't serious, but.. i bet he's gonna ask me to sell something haha ^^).. yesterday i read that this thing is going to be permitted. why the hell aren't we allowed to SMOKE? i'd be old enough to smoke at the school LEGALLY, but now?! goddamn, life's a bitch. they can't stop me. i mean... i HAVE to smoke when it's forbidden, it's like.. being addicted to do things everyone wants you to stop with. i could write about that crap for hours, but i'm bored and since i've been talking about cigarettes i have the feeling that i need one right now!! so.. be right back..

Tues., 7th of June 2005: we had the whole gym in pe today - i wanted to play volleyball but EVERYONE wanted to, so i decided to play soccer. that was the most stupid thing i could to with my foot - but it was really cool and my team won (although they had one more player or sometimes even 2!!).. i started playing on the field (dunno how its called, court??) but im not so good in soccer. maybe i'm better than most of the girls, but i was the only one who wanted to play soccer (they are afraid cause boys can shoot stronger.. i don't care as i'm playing handball..) .. yannick and arno, both playing in a club, made nearly all the goals and i became the keeper. it is easier than handball in some points, so i got lots of the ball. haha, the last shot rocked, i jumped and got it with my stomach ^^. well.. and then we received our biology tests back: 5. i don't care any more, that teacher is really strange (we have him in chemical stuff too and he's very stupid sometimes.. although it is very funny we don't learn much, but the tests...narf..). i missed rowing again, but my foot is getting on my nervs. today i saw that we have a "sports day" at school and there are a few cool things i would like to do: baseball, rowing (well i can do that every tuesday but..hmm, it may be very funny ;)), bowling, diving and surfing. unfortunately there are many reasons why i'm going to play beachvolleyball: no one wants to play baseball, rowing.. i said that already.. bowling is too far away i dont know how to get there.. well.. diving's the same.. and surfing sucks because the "dieksee" is really dirty. 2 weeks ago i went into it only with my feet and when i came out i was bleeding and both legs were burning!!! on the other hand we're going to play beachvolleyball on the next day because it's "wandertag". no one wants to do the cool things so all the bad ones are put together. looks like this: biking tour to the beachvolleyballcourts, after that biking to another place where we can grill and in the evening we have "jahrgangszelten" (camping with every 10th grader..won't be that funny, i hate most of the bastards from the other classes. i really hope i have pot then, because there are several pupils who may envy me >:) haha). btw - the 'dealer' (in fact its only the friend of his friend who's driving to the netherlands.. so it's a long way to me ^^) hasn't answered yet. i have written a sms a few hours ago and he's not online. looks bad, don't think i'm gonna get it. damn!! so i have to wait a month - i really hope i'm able to buy some when im in cologne. today i'm wearing my ramones shirt again :) and i noticed that my (faked) chucks are torn on one side.. only a bit and only inside, but my also hurting foot is rubbing on it now.. narf!! they were expensive (ok, in comparison with the original chucks they are cheap.. 25 eur..) ..*yawn* it's strange, but i think i don't have any homework - AGAIN!! strange.. must have missed something...aaah! lukas had wisdom teeth and they were taken out - he came to school today and he looks really cute with his hamster-like cheeks >:) rofl.. if i was him, i would stay at home and SLEEP.

http://www.starshipranger.com << that's a very cool game like dark galaxy but in german. i'm in an alliance some classmates have founded, called "[AoD]", "army of darkness"..you could join :) i think atm they would be grateful for every member we get.. oh, and if not, just mention that you know me >:) .. aah, and it would be cool when you're a Brutaker, cause we need some .. ok!! see you tomorrow..

one thing i have to add: vorwärts, our "local enemy", hasn't qualified for weser-ems-league. that kicks ass, cause i'm going to be as arrogant as they are - haha!! ;)



Mon., 6th of June 2005: School wasn't very interesting (how could it be??), but i like mondays because we have art. we had to draw a "gothic forest" or something like that.. and then i recognized that the cologne cathedral is gothic!! so i drew that.. half of it filled with trees and stuff.. everyone says it looks good, even my teacher! when it's a good grade im maybe going to scan it (it is din-a3 so it may be hard..). i also had math assistance today but i understood it so i was allowed to leave earlier. my mother wanted me to buy something at douglas, i had to buy new contactlenses and then i missed my bus. well.. i walked home then and my left foot hurts like hell, i dont know what it is..it started friday but i dont want to make an appointment.. still didnt received the pot cause daniel had his oral examination (he's got a 1!! narf!!). hope i will get it in 2 days - we want to play call of cthulhu saturday evening and smoking something before it could be very cool.. starship ranger is cool, i'm having so many ressources atm :) .. now im sitting on my computer talking to jay, writing this stuff and listening to "der diktator" by schleimkeim. nothing to do - no homeworks! around 750 days left - then im maybe able to move to cologne...

http://www.beepworld.de/members16/emailnews/english-project.htm << that's a really cool english homework franci has written!! :)

MattisManzel 10:36, 28 Jul 2005 (CEST): Hey Lagger. Ich probier hier mal mutante's neues Modul aus ;) Jau cool danke :) --84.128.103.224 23:57, 1 Aug 2005 (CEST)

LaGGeR

Elektronenmikroskop Ultradünnschnitt-Technik -	Objekte werden chemisch fixiert -	Werden in Kunstharz eingebettet -	Müssen 10- 100 nm dünn sein Kryofixierung -	werden extrem schnell auf Temperaturen um 200°C eingefroren -	Gefrierbruchmethode -	Durch das Aufdampfen einer Platin-Kohle-Schicht entstehen Schatten -	Das elektronenmikroskopische Bild vermittelt einen räumlichen Eindruck

Rasterelektronenmikroskop -	Objekte werden nur bestrahlt nicht durchstrahlt -	Es werden Elektronen reflektiert und es entsteht ein räumliches, sehr genaues Bild der Oberfläche

Zellorganellen Zellwand -	Poren -	Oberflächenvergrößerung -	Lignin -	Mikrofibrillen -	Paralleltextur -	Zellwände sind typisch für pflanzliche Zellen -	Bei der Teilung wir zunächst eine Primordialwand gebildet = Mittellamelle -	Auflagerungen führen zur Primärwand, die aus Mikrofibrillenbündeln besteht -	Weitere Auflagerungen zur Sekundärwand in Paralleltextur, Lignin wird angelagert -	Dünne Tertiärwand -	Zellmembran ER (Endoplasmatisches Retikulum) -	raues und glattes ER -	raues trägt Ribosomen, glattes hat keine Ribosomen -	untereinander verbundene Hohlräume (Membranumgrenzt) heißen Membranzisternen -	am rauen ER werden Eiweißmoleküle gebildet, die durch das ER ohne Hindernisse transportiert werden können: Transportfunktion des ERs -	Stoffaustausch zwischen Zellkern und Cytoplasma -	Am ER befinden sich Enzyme, die viel Stoffe umwandeln und viele giftige Stoffe unschädlich machen -	Es können Vesikel gebildet werden die unterschiedliche Funktionen haben können, entweder zu Stofftransport oder zur Speicherung -	Vesikel mit Verdauungsenzymen heißen Lysosomen Ribosomen -	Orte der Proteinsynthese -	Bei der Eiweißsynthese können sie zu mehreren perlschnurartig hintereinander aufgereiht sein und heißen dann Polysomen Vakuolen -	treten in Pflanzenzellen auf -	entstehen durch das Zusammenfließen der Membranen verschiedener Vesikel -	es können Zentralvakuolen entstehen, die fast den gesamten Zellinnenraum ausfüllen -	diese Zentralvakuolen sorgen für den Innendruck der Zellen, den Turgor -	in seltenen Fällen können auch Reservestoffe in ihnen abgelagert werden GOLGI-Apparat -	setzt sich aus Stapeln von Membranzisternen zusammen -	einzelnen Membranzisternen werden Dictyosom genannt, die Gesamtheit der Dictyosomen GOLGI-Apparat -	von den Dictyosomen werden einzelne GOLGI-Vesikel abgeschnürt die zum Transport oder zur Speicherung von Sekretstoffen zuständig sind Mitochondrien -	lang gestreckte Zellbestandteile -	hat eine Doppelmembran -	Kompartimentierung -	Plasmatisches Kompartiment innerhalb der inneren Membran ist die Matrix -	Die innere Membran bildet Einstülpungen in die Matrix hinein, diese werden Cristae genannt -	Cristae sind flächig, röhrenförmig oder unregelmäßig ausgebildet -	Durch die Cristae wird die Oberfläche der inneren Membran stark vergrößert, was der Matrix zu Gute kommt -	An der inneren Membran wird im Verlauf der Zellatmung an Elementarpartikeln die ATP-Bildung statt -	ATP ist ein Energieträger -	Mitochondrien sind die „Kraftwerke“ der Zelle -	Enthalten Proteine, Lipide, Ribosomen und DNA (können sich also vermehren) Chloroplasten -	Stroma (=Matrix der Chloroplasten) -	Die innere Membran stülpt sich ein und bildet Membranzisternen, die Thylakoide -	Wenn sich Thylakoide falten spricht man von den Grana (ein Granumthylakoid) -	Sind für die Fotosynthese zuständig -	Im Stroma kann Stärke gespeichert werden -	Im Stroma liegen auch DNA-Moleküle vor -	Chloroplasten können sich vermehren Zellkern -	größtes Zellorganell -	Kernhülle ist ein flacher, membranumgrenzter Hohlraum -	Kernhülle ist von Kernporen durchbrochen, durch die Makromoleküle zwischen dem Cytoplasma und dem Karyoplasma ausgetauscht werden können -	Karyoplasma enthält Kernsäuren (Desoxyribonucleinsäure, Ribonucleinsäure) und Proteine -	Einschlüsse des Karyoplasmas mit hohen RNA anteilen sind die Nucleolen, die an der Bildung der cytoplasmatischen Ribosomen beteiligt sind