Eristotle

From Principia Harmonia and Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht:

Eristotle was born Loti Ester Abbott on the 13th of September, 1752 CE, in the Colony of New York. The girl's mother and 'father' were very disappointed that the child was not a boy. They made their daughter dress, act and socialize with boys and girls as if a boy. Many suspect the girl's sire was actually the mother's lover, a black African slave.

By the age of nine, the child was the height of an average five-year-old, and had gone blind. But that same year, Loti Ester spoke the first of many prophecies. This was the amazing, 'Two times four equals twenty-four.' This proved far more than lousy arithmetic. Later that day, a slave, possibly the girl's father, discovered that one of the family's goats had given birth to four kids. (One four-footed goat mated with a second four-footed goat plus four four-footed kids equals twenty-four feet.) Everyone was amazed.

Loti Ester's mother began recording everything the girl said. Other astounding prophecies followed. These included, 'I like molasses. It is so sweet' (said just weeks before the Sugar Act taxed molasses in 1764); 'I stamped a queen ant' (the Stamp Act to fund loyal royal troops was itself stamped out in 1766, just a few months after it began); and 'Why is the tea bitter?' (said less than five years before the American colonists protested the tax on tea with the 1773 Boston Tea Party, which led to the American Revolution.) The girl began using the prophetic name Eristotle. (A descendent, the linguist Toyalla, noted that 'Eristotle' is an anagram of 'Loti' and 'Ester,' which mean 'small' and 'star.')

Sadly, on the 12th of October in 1769 CE while only 17 years old, Eristotle died. The prophet's sayings were gathered together in a private collection called 'The Mythicism of Eristotle.' The book was unfortunately never published, as people refused to accept the mythic vision of a slave-fathered, cross-dressing, lesbian blind dwarf girl.

Holy day
September 13 is known in Discordian circles as both the 'holydays' 'Mass of Eristotle' and 'Mass of Planet Eris.' This honors the birth of Eristotle in 1752 and the naming of Planet X as 136199 Eris in 2006.

Quotes
'The more a society requires its respectable women to keep their bodies covered, the more likely those women are to be oppressed.' --Eristotle

"Imagine that you have spent your entire existence running and capering in the bright, sunlit world, surrounded by colors and sounds and sensations, and were then suddenly knocked upon the noggin and chained to the ground in a cave, where you could understand and participate in the world by way of shadows. Would this change not greatly confuse you?' --Eristotle

'Why is the tea bitter?' --Eristotle

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but is is a girl.' --unnamed midwife at the birth of Loti Ester Abbott